


Clouded Mind and Heavy Heart

by dawnstruck



Series: Hopeless Wanderer [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, Chinese Translation Available, Codependency, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, M/M, Mind Fuck, Podfic Available, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 04:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2608253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnstruck/pseuds/dawnstruck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You reap what you sow.<br/>Sasuke plants seeds of doubt.</p><p>Instead of fighting in the Valley of the End, Sasuke convices Naruto to join him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clouded Mind and Heavy Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This... turned out more fucked up than I intended? But I like it anyway.  
> Fair warning, Sasuke is really really manipulative in this, but he's also much more aware of how Konoha shrewed up all around.  
> In a way, this is still a love story. But not a happy or healthy one.
> 
> Edit: SherlocklovesJohn has taken the time to translate this into Chinese which you can read at http://sherlyxoxo.lofter.com/post/44407b_ce84c30
> 
> Come follow me on [tumblr!](https://dawnstruck.tumblr.com/)

 

[“ _I wrestled long with my youth_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rId6PKlDXeU)

[ _We tried to hard to live in the truth_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rId6PKlDXeU)

[ _But do not tell me all is fine_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rId6PKlDXeU)

[ _When I lose my head, I lose my spine”_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rId6PKlDXeU)

Mumford and Sons ~ Hopeless Wanderer

 

“Have you never wondered, though,” Sasuke muses, “Why everyone always seemed to hate you?”

For a moment Naruto just stares at him, wide-eyed. Then he swallows hard and looks away.

“I don't need to wonder,” he answers, voice small, but dark as well, “I know.”

“Then have you never wondered,” Sasuke continues, unmoved, “Why the Sandaime never really did anything to help?”

 

Naruto is a perfect mix between naivety and distrust. He believes that there is good in the world. But he already knows all about the bad parts as well.

It makes him susceptible. Malleable.

All that's needed is a push in the right direction.

 

“Kakashi-sensei should be training you, too,” Sasuke tells him, “Instead of constantly pawning you off to Jiraiya and Ebisu.”

“He's busy with you, though,” Naruto huffs, “Considering that your fighting styles match and all.”

“We're supposed to be a team,” Sasuke points out, “He shouldn't be playing favorites.”

Then, “I can train with you instead.”

The smile Naruto gives him is hesitant, but earnest.

 

Sasuke has had his suspicions for a while now. That not all in Konoha is as honest and upstanding as everyone would like to make you believe. That the Leaf is not the lone beacon of light that it fancies itself to be.

It's all propaganda, of course. Left-over grudges from the last war.

The Hidden Villages are a business investment. Without at least a bit of war and strife, shinobi become mostly superfluous. So the daimyo and their courtiers keep picking at the wounds before they can scab over, letting them fester and become infected.

The invasion initiated by Sand and Sound is just one incident in a long list of overstepped boundaries.

And the council thrives on in, scheming in the background while the Sandaime is too gullible and senile to prevent anything.

 

“Who raised you, though?” Sasuke asks, showing up at Naruto's apartment uninvited. It's bare and rather run-down, so Sasuke keeps sticking his head into the cupboards to come across bowls of instant ramen and almost expired tin cans.

“There were chuunin checking up on me,” Naruto grumbles, apparently caught between embarrassment and indignation, “Only until I was old enough, of course.”

“You're not old enough,” Sasuke tells him and Naruto waves his hands about, feeling insulted.

“I always do the chores and the shopping!” he claims, pointing at the room as if to indicate how clean it is. Then again, if you don't really own anything it's not too difficult to keep tidy.

“I mean you're twelve years old,” Sasuke interrupts him, “You shouldn't be living on your own. _I_ shouldn't be living on my own.”

Did that thought ever occur to Naruto? Or to Iruka or Kakashi or the bloody Hokage who seemed to think that ruffling a child's hair once a month made up for years of neglect.

 

Maybe it's not too surprising that a village full of people that send their children off into battle has no trouble letting those same children go to waste the rest of the time either.

 

“But why do they hate you?” Sasuke asks insistently, “Why do they shun a child and turn their backs and whisper names?”

“It's none of your business,” Naruto tries to derail him. It doesn't work.

“It is,” Sasuke lifts a hand and makes as if to hesitate, before touching Naruto's shoulder, “It's my business because I don't want to fight for a village that would just abandon my best friend.”

The look in Naruto's eyes is so naked and vulnerable that Sasuke can feel an unpleasant pull in his guts.

Gotcha, he thinks.

 

He does his research. Too many things are just not adding up.

After the massacre barely any effort was put into hunting down Itachi. And how did he even manage to escape unscathed? At thirteen, Itachi was a prodigy, true enough. But none of the Uchiha were slackers, trained from an early age. Even in spite of the Mangekyou, even if surprised in their own home, at least one of them should have managed to fight back or raise the alarm. And why were they even all at home in the first place? How was it that not a single Uchiha was off grounds or on a mission while only Sasuke happened to be at the Academy?

He tries to get his hand on the various reports, on Itachi's former psych eval, on the personal files of high-raking Uchiha to find out why the hell they didn't stand a chance. But from all sides his efforts are blocked. Files are sealed, the names of the shinobi who worked on the case unavailable.

And he is the last of the Uchiha, the only survivor. He has a right to know what happened to his clan, his family, his life.

But Konoha is a Hidden Village. Secrets are a given.

 

“I'm like Gaara,” Naruto tells him in a rush, “I'm a jinjuuriki. I have the Kyuubi sealed inside of me.”

He doesn' t say _That's why everyone hates me_. Doesn't need to.

There's anger rising up in Sasuke because if Naruto is anything like Gaara then he has an unfair advantage, then he is dangerous and unstable. But the enemy of his enemy is his friend.

“They've been lying to us,” he says as if he had just realized it now, hollow and breathless, “They've been lying to us this whole time.”

Naruto doesn't agree. But he doesn't disagree either.

 

Tsunade-sama is an unexpected obstacle. Because Naruto likes her and she likes Naruto.

Sasuke can't allow Naruto to get attached to anyone else.

For a moment he allows himself to hope that maybe everything will change. That the Godaime will make a better Hokage and clean everything up. But she had been gone for too long, had once chosen of her own volition to leave because she had lost faith in Konohagakure. And she's still too new to the office to make much of a difference.

Instead the wheels of the system keep on turning, slowly grinding away like a millstone. Sasuke refuses to be destroyed.

 

“I promised Sakura-chan to bring you back,” Naruto growls out. There are tears in his voice and confusion that he tries to mask with anger.

“She never paid attention to you,” Sasuke layers the harsh words with gentle conviction, as if patiently waiting for Naruto to come to the right conclusion, “No one ever cared.”

This could be a battle. They could be tearing each other apart with storms and fire and barely get out alive. But Naruto has shown him how fights can be won with words instead of fists. It's worth a try.

And he's been working towards this, has been planting seeds of doubt in Naruto's head until they would sound like his own thoughts. They were not so different, after all. He had watched Naruto as they grew up. There was spite in the boy and loneliness; all he needed was a touch of righteous anger. Maybe a thirst for revenge.

“What would they do if you were the one who ran away?” he asks, “What if they brought you back? Would they welcome you? Would Sakura cry and kiss you? Or would they question you, imprison you? They see you as a danger, Naruto, an unpredictable variable. You've gotten strong and they are scared. How much stronger can you get until their fear forces them to act?”

“They're not like that,” Naruto shakes his head furiously, “There's baa-chan and Iruka-sensei and-”

“Two people,” Sasuke cuts him off gently, “Maybe a handful more. Do you think the Fifth can override the hatred of the people when even the Third couldn't? The Third who enforced the law that no one tell you about who you are? Who let you grow up alone and abandoned? You don't deserve that, Naruto. And they don't deserve you.”

“And you think going to Orochimaru will be so much better?” Naruto hisses, though it's obvious that the words have hit too close to home, “He wants your body as a vessel. He won't keep his promise.”

“You once promised me, though,” Sasuke says and steps closer; he keeps his pose non-threatening but Naruto stumbles back anyway.

“You promised me that you'd never give up on your friends,” and he tilts his head to the side, feigning hurt, “Aren't we friends, Naruto?”

“We are,” Naruto agrees, “But... you can't go to Orochimaru.”

“I won't,” Sasuke says mildly, yet before a relieved smile can spread over Naruto's face he adds, “But I won't return to the village either.”

Now the final move, the killing strike, the attack that will decide it all.

He lifts his arms, slowly, carefully, giving his teammate ample time to duck away. He doesn't.

“I just don't want to be alone,” Sasuke says and closes his arms around Naruto.

He's never hugged anyone but his parents or Itachi and that was years and years ago. The warmth of another body against his is unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. It feels nice. Soothing. But it doesn't change his mind.

Patiently he waits for Naruto to return the embrace and then tucks his face against Naruto's neck.

“Please don't leave me alone,” he whispers.

And slowly – oh so slowly – Naruto nods.

 

They call it the Valley of the End. But it's not.

This, Sasuke thinks, is only the beginning.

 

They stand like this for a long while.

There's a battle raging inside of Naruto, and Sasuke tries to channel his own serenity.

It seems to work. Naruto doesn't speak, doesn't chance his mind, doesn't run away.

Finally, Sasuke pulls away, just a bit, just enough to make clear that he isn't pushing Naruto away. And Naruto looks at him with large eyes as if still trying to process what he has just agreed to.

So Sasuke moves his hands up along Naruto's back, slides them over the nape of his neck and through blond hair. Then his fingers tangle in the fabric of the hitai-ate and slowly undo the knot.

It feels strangely intimate, more intimate than even the hug, maybe because their faces are only inches apart now, staring into each other's eyes. He pulls the headband away from Naruto's forehead and opens his fist. When the metal lands in the dust with a dull clang a lung-full of air escapes him and only then does he realize that he had been holding his breath.

He doesn't quite expect Naruto to move, but doesn't flinch away either, and then Naruto's quivering hands have ripped away Sasuke's forehead protector as well. It tears at his scalp a bit, but never has pain felt so sweet.

“We're in this together now,” he says, victory swelling his chest.

“Bastard,” Naruto says, but there is no bite to it.

 

When they have already left and the rain starts up, Sasuke allows himself to imagine the fallout.

Kakashi would have followed them, surely. Their trail will be lost now, but maybe his ninken will still lead him towards the valley. And there he will find no blood, no bodies, no signs of battle at all. Just two forehead protectors lying forgotten in the dirt, the symbol of the Leaf bereft of meaning.

And Kakashi will have to come to his own conclusions, will pick up the proof and return to the village where he'll have to explain everything.

And Sasuke imagines Tsunade's ire and the look of utter desolation on Sakura's face. It takes him all he has not to start chuckling.

 

“Where are we going?” Naruto dares to ask after hours and hours of travel.

“I don't know,” Sasuke replies, “As far away as possible.”

If Kakashi followed them alone they might stand a chance, but Sasuke does not want to risk having their former sensei try and talk some sense into Naruto. If Kakashi returned to the village to report then that might have won them some time, but if an entire team still managed to catch up with them the odds wouldn't be in their favor anymore.

Sasuke glances over his shoulder. Naruto looks exhausted, more emotionally than anything else, but Sasuke can't allow that.

“Come,” he beckons lightly and offers an encouraging smile.

Tentatively, Naruto returns it.

 

After only a couple of days they establish a routine. After two weeks they finally slow down a bit. Sasuke tries not to act too paranoid.

They're not criminals, but as deserters they will be listed as nuke-nin anyway. Maybe they even have a bounty on their heads.

It's something that Naruto would have taken pride in before because it makes him sound dangerous, but Sasuke refrains from mentioning anything like that. Their alliance is still too fragile. He will have to build up more trust.

They use henge and bunshin to travel unobserved. Sometimes they are farmers or vendors or a circus troupe. Naruto is surprisingly creative and the academy days in which he could barely summon a henge are long since past.

 

“Everyone's always underestimated you,” Sasuke realizes, “Iruka, Kakashi. Even me.”

He cannot allow Naruto to get homesick now, has to remind him of what it will be better to stay with Sasuke. There's nothing for them in Konoha, nothing at all.

“Well, I always was a prankster and a loud-mouth,” Naruto objects, rubbing the back of his head uncomfortably.

“A prankster who invented his own jutsu and managed to get the better of various highly trained shinobi,” Sasuke praises in a teasing tone, “If only they had seen your potential...”

He trails off and glances into the sunset.

“That's why I wanted to become Hokage,” Naruto mumbles, and it's past tense, but it's still dangerous territory.

“You could've become the greatest shinobi of all time,” Sasuke agrees, pausing for a second before adding, “But, Naruto, I don't think they'd ever let you become Hokage.”

Naruto blinks at him, slightly caugh off guard. Then he slowly nods and looks away.

A jinjuuriki as Kage. How preposterous.

“But we can train together now,” Sasuke muses, tilting his head back to breathe in the cool evening air, “We can become stronger. Not as rivals, but as a team.”

“You... you don't think I'll be in your way?” Naruto ventures carefully, still not quite used to this agreeable side of Sasuke, but the other boy shakes his head.

“Just imagine,” he says, “We could combine our jutsu. I could teach you secrets of my clan. We'll find a way for you to harness the chakra of the Kyuubi.”

“So you can kill Itachi?” Naruto asks with apprehension in his voice.

“No,” Sasuke tells him, “So no one can ever hurt us again.”

 

When they pass by a small settlement they sometimes offer their services. Repair someone's roof or help with the harvest in exchange for food and shelter. It's like D-rank missions, but they don't let anyone know that they are shinobi. They don't use their real names or their real faces. Without proper training no one will be able to look through it.

Sometimes they steal. Or rather, Sasuke steals without ever letting Naruto know.

Sasuke managed to withdraw a hefty amount of his inheritance before he left the village, but he doesn't want to spend too much. It would have to last them a long time.

When they reach a bigger town, they buy equipment and new clothes, black and blue for himself, black with some orange adornments for Naruto. It makes him look older and more somber. Or maybe that's just because his smile is so dim nowadays.

 

“Let's get some ramen,” Sasuke invites him, “And then go to the onsen.”

He doesn't particularly mind the lack of luxuries during their journey, but thinks that Naruto will enjoy the respite.

“Will you wash my back?” Naruto teases and Sasuke chuckles, “If you wash mine.”

Naruto only ducks his head and grins.

 

It surprising how quickly the time passes when you're constantly on the run.

There must still be people from Konoha looking for them, but Sasuke is more worried about Orochimaru not wanting to give up on his investment. And then there's the fact that a runaway jinjuuriki might seem tempting to some.

So trainig together has become a necessity as well as a pleasure.

Sasuke takes his time to teach Naruto all the basics he never properly learned in the Academy. He's confused when Naruto turns out to be a natural and performs most exercises without a problem.

Apparently, since Jiraiya modified the Fourth's seal, Naruto has had a much easier time with his chakra control. Sasuke feels oddly annoyed at the fact that Kakashi never even noticed the source of the problem and instead brushed it off as Naruto being simply too impatient and distracted.

Naruto is nothing if not driven, though, and flourishes under Sasuke's careful tutelage.

Their taijutsu becomes more refined, and every morning they go through a set of kata together, their bodies moving against the misty morning sky.

It's become chillier and Sasuke is surprised to notice that winter is almost upon them. They been gone for half a year now.

Does Sakura still cry herself asleep every night? Is Kakashi looking for excuses to place the blame on someone else?

Then again, Sasuke doesn't really care.

 

Naruto stumbles into the small shed with an arm full of fire wood.

His face is reddened from the biting wind and his fingers move stiffly as he stacks the logs on the fire place.

“Thank you,” Sasuke says. He's long since noticed that Naruto responds eagerly to all sorts of praise and gratefulness.

Back in the village everyone had always pointed out how rude and obnoxious the boy supposedly was. Considering that for all his good deeds he rarely ever got a please and thank you in return, his manners were actually quite good.

“It's damp, though,” Naruto tries to deflect, but Sasuke just shrugs it off, “I'll just use katon.”

A few minutes later the fire is crackling happily and the icy air warms up enough for the boys to shed their coats. Curiously Naruto looks around to inspect the shed.

“We could stay a few days here,” he contemplated, “Wait out the worst of the storm.”

“Or the worst of the winter,” Sasuke adds and it earns him a surprised look.

It would be the first time they'd really stopped moving, the first time to dare and stay in one place. But traveling in winter is not only unpleasant, but dangerous for various reasons. He'd been thinking about it for a while now. No one has gotten close to catching up on them yet, though, so he is willing to take the risk.

“Ano,” Naruto mumbles into his collar, “If you don't think being along with me for that long will drive you insane.”

Maybe I'm already insane, Sasuke thinks but doesn't say it. Maybe you just haven't noticed yet.

“I wouldn't want anyone else's company,” he replies instead and shuffles closer to the fire to boil some water, “You want some tea?”

“Yes, please,” Naruto says happily and it's just that easy.

 

During their genin days they'd already grown used to sharing a tent and occasionally body heat. The two months in the shed are similarly spent, cooped up and sitting close together.

They'd don't neglect their training, but Sasuke wants to focus on theory now. They've picked up scrolls here and there and now they have the time to study them, improve their summoning and their seal writing.

They discuss jutsu they want to learn and how to go about it. They even try to combine the rasengan with the chidori though the attempts are either too weak or too volatile, especially in the confines of the shed.

Sasuke spends hours sitting in front of a map, contemplating where to go next, which route to take in order to throw off potential pursuers. There are cities they need for stocking up on equipment and various shady sources where Sasuke hopes to acquire more scrolls and bits of information.

But he asks Naruto for his opinion as well. They are a team and Naruto has to be sure of it.

When, one morning, Naruto sticks his head out of the door and declares that it smells like spring, Sasuke believes him. They set out the following day, continuing their journey side by side.

 

The encounter with another Konoha missing nin first seems unfortunate, but then turns out to be a blessing.

The man has heard of them, seems to think that two little boys are no challenge and that he can take them down easily. So first he mocks them, taunts them, not realizing that instead of intimidating them he is only fueling their fire.

“Couldn't you take it anymore?” the nukenin laughs down at Naruto, “How they looked at you and called you monster? It's a shame really, you know, that they never really tried to kill you. But oh, Hokage-sama wouldn't have liked that. Neither the Third nor the Fourth.”

There must be a hint of confusion on Naruto's face because the man chuckles.

“What, you didn't know? About how Yondaime told the old man to pass a law so you would never find out about the Kyuubi? But there was another part to that law, meant to protect you. It never did, of course, but it was a nice sentiment.”

Sasuke clenches his fingers around the kunai, wondering whether he should just get it over with and slit the man's throat. But he is curious, too, and lets him keep talking.

“No one ever let you know why the Fourth chose you as a vessel for the Kyuubi, did they?” the man goes on, “It wasn't just because a newborn's was less likely to die from the shock of the chakra invasion. It was because the Fourth didn't want to sacrifice anyone else's child.”

“Shut up!” Naruto yells, but there is more hurt in his voice than annoyance, proving that he still hasn't put his past behind him, “You're talking shit!”

“Oh, didn't you ever look at the history books?” the man sneers, “Didn't you ever notice the resemblance between you and the Yondaime?”

Naruto is shaking his head now, denial clear on his face, but even Sasuke can't quite believe what he knows is to come.

“You are Namikaze Minato's own son,” the man sounds gleeful now, almost hysterical, “And he threw you to the wolves like a piece of meat.”

Sasuke is behind him in a flash, cutting his jugular with a single neat slice. The man dies with a wet gurgle and falls to the ground.

For the rest of the day, neither of the boys says anything. It's quite alright like that. Naruto has reached the point where his thoughts regarding Konoha will turn poisonous all of their own.

 

There are rumors now of an organization trying to round up all the jinjuuriki for purposes unknown.

Akatsuki, the shadows whisper. Itachi, Sasuke thinks.

He shares his information with Naruto, feeds their bond and the boy's own fear.

At the same time he finds himself becoming more protective of his companion. He's invested too much time and effort to lose him now. They are more than a team. They are invincible.

Sometimes when they are corned by nuke-nin or bandits, they have an excuse to fight properly. Sometimes they take small jobs as body guards and mercenaries, never revealing their faces or their origins.

A couple of times, Sasuke manages to convince Naruto that they derail a scouting team from a different village, never to kill or even really harm them, just to get a feel for a proper fight. It's risky because, even in disguise, word might get out of their whereabouts. But it gains them experience and useful bits of intel.

After a while Naruto even seems to look forward to it.

 

The market place is loud and crowded and the burning sun does nothing to make the situation more pleasant.

“What's got everyone's feathers so ruffled?” Naruto complains as Sasuke inspects some paper for designing their own exploding seals.

“Didn't you hear?” the vendor, a haggard woman, behind the stand asks, obviously eager to share gossip, “News just got around. They killed Gaara-sama.”

“Gaara?” Naruto repeats in disbelief, but the woman seems to mistake it for a general question.

“Ah, you're not from round here, are you?” she nods to herself, “Gaara-sama was the Kazekage of Suna.”

“What- what happened?” Naruto wants to know and this is dangerous now, because if a former friend of his has died then all of Sasuke's carefully spun net might unravel, just like that.

“I don't know the details,” the woman goes on,”I only know it had to do with him being the vessel of the Shukaku.”

So he became Kage in spite of being a jinjuuriki. But he died because of it.

Sasuke lets out a sigh of relief. Because he is sure that it was Akatsuki that managed to get their hands on the juubi, but to Naruto it will make no difference.

Gaara, shunned for all his life, finally given tribute and made Kage. Still dying alone, without any friends, without the protection of his village. And Naruto, so grateful that he was taken away by Sasuke in time, that he was disappointed before he could really get his hopes up.

That night Sasuke pulls him into a tight embrace. Naruto doesn't let go.

 

It was a mistake to get so close to Suna, especially now that everyone is in a flurry and shinobi seem to be running around everywhere.

Sasuke had not known about the improved relation between Suna and Konoha and that now ninja of the Leaf would be flooding to the desert to deal with the fallout of the Kazekage's assassination.

Then again, maybe Tsunade or the council had been following close on their heels anyway and Sasuke had simply never noticed it.

But it was only a matter of time until they were found, and he guesses he should be grateful it's already three years down the road and not when Naruto's trust in him was still too fragile.

 

When they come face to face with Sakura, Sasuke doesn't show how much it catches him off guard.

He'd never wasted much thought on her and in his mind she had still been the annoying little girl that kept pestering him for affection and approval. And she's grown of course, they all have, but there is something about her, hardened and bitter, and there's a strange sensation is Sasuke's chest when he realizes that it's because of _them_.

Oh, he thinks and tells himself that the feeling is glee, how much it must hurt to be deserted by your teammates. To be the only one left behind. To send your friend after your crush and realize that they'd rather run away together than return to you.

Does she love him still? Or has that love turned into something twisted, something disgusted, not quite hate, but close enough. Contempt maybe. Disdain.

And now she doesn't even look at him, her gaze flickering over him as if he were a mirage, already lost to her, already just a figment of a nightmare.

“Naruto,” she says instead, her pretty eyes seeking his, “There you are.”

As if they were children playing hide and seek. As if they'd been gone for minutes instead of years.

“Sa- Sakura-chan,” Naruto stammers and Sasuke will have to teach him some acting skills because this just won't do.

“What do you want?” he drawls out, sounding bored, while he surreptitiously inspects Sakura's new teammates.

There's Hyuuga Neji, unmoved and unchanged, his white gaze fixed on Sasuke, though his body seems angled towards Naruto. Then a slim man with black hair, approximately their age though Sasuke has never seem that blankly smiling face before. And another one, older, but unfamiliar as well, and wholly unremarkable with his angular jaw and brown hair.

Too many unknown variables to want to risk a full-blown fight. Neji was always a strong fighter, but Sakura had been taken on as Tsunade's apprentice and might have improved greatly. The other two were possibly even special ops and Sasuke doesn't want to think about the implications.

“We're here to bring you home,” Sakura answers Sasuke's question but keeps looking at Naruto unerringly, “Back to Konoha.”

“Konoha was never our home,” Sasuke says witout giving Naruto to think, “They abandoned us. Betrayed us.”

It's a familiar mantra. He's been muttering it for years now.

“We're your friends, Naruto,” Sakura keeps going as if he had never opened his mouth, “We've been looking for you all this time. We miss you. Tsunade-shishou and Iruka-sensei and everyone. Hinata-chan still cries when someone mentions you. And Kakashi-sensei-”

“Never bothered to tell you why Naruto preferred to leave with me than to stay in the village, did he?” Sasuke interferes before her little speech could get out of hand, and finally, finally she looks at him, her glare sharp as a knife.

“He said you're manipulating him,” Sakura's voice is adamant, but there is the barest tremble underlining it, “With the Sharingan or-”

“I'm the first one who's _not_ manipulating him,” Sasuke sneers, “I'm the one who opened his eyes. Who got him away from those that would rather spit on him that acknowledge him as a human being.”

“That's not true!” Sakura hisses, “You're making this up, you're twisting things.”

“You were there,” Sasuke reminds her, “When we were growing up and you imitated everyone's behavior. Naruto would have given his life for yours and your wouldn't even have blinked. You are no friend of his.”

“So I was wrong about him,” Sakura squares her shoulders, as stubborn as he remembers her, “But I learned from my mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.”

And her gaze turns soft again, returning to Naruto.

“Just come back,” she insists quietly, “Tsunade-shishou will exonerate you. You're not even listed as a missing nin. We'll just forget this.”

Sasuke has to try harder now. Simply talking against Sakura won't work.

“Naruto,” he says, gentling the curve of his lips and the tone of his voice. Immediately Naruto's head swivels towards him.

“She may forget,” he agrees, “And some others as well. But Tsunade can't just snap her fingers and make everyone love you. Just like the Third couldn't. When you return, everything will be as before. And I... probably won't be there anymore.”

And that is Naruto's greatest fear. Thrown back into the hell of his former life, but this time without having Sasuke at his back.

Because Sakura had mentioned nothing about pardoning Sasuke. He would be imprisoned, executed even. Just for trying to save himself and his best friend.

Realizing all that, Naruto clenches his fist and gives a curt nod.

“Sakura-chan,” he says, determined, “Neji. I am sorry. For all the pain I've cause you and everyone. But I can't go back. I don't want to.”

“Naruto-kun,” Neji speaks up now, “He is using you, can't you see? Didn't you once teach me about freedom and choosing your own path?”

But Naruto only shakes his head, “This is my path now. I won't abandon Sasuke. Please don't fight me on this.”

In that moment the two strangers exchange a quick look and then jump into action.

“Yamato-taishou!” Sakura yells out indignantly when large vines of wood shoots towards Naruto.

“There's no other choice, Sakura-san,” the man named Yamato insists.

“We have our own orders,” the other one adds, “And that is to detain the jinjuuriki.”

But the Kyuubi's chakra has already flared out, red and hot and destructive. They've trained for this, but it's still always something of a shock to see Naruto lose himself in such a rage, his eyes like flames and his teeth like fangs.

Suddenly Neji is in front of Sasuke and then they are fighting, losing themselves in a swirl of taijutsu, Sharingan versus Byakugan. Sasuke evades Neji's attempt to block his pathways, but he copies them and finally he gets in a lucky hit that has Neji freeze up and fall down on his knees with a choked breath.

Sasuke could kill him now, but that would be too easy, and it would only make him look bad in front of Naruto.

So he turns away but a sudden fist to the stomach sends him crashing several meters back and into he ground. He gets up again although the pain tells him that some of his ribs must be broken. He barely avoids another attack and only then does he realize that his new opponent is actually Sakura and that she is freakishly strong.

Knowing that a hit to the head would end him, he does his best to dance away from her again and again. Luckily, he is still faster than her and she can't quite keep up.

His gaze flickers to where Naruto is fighting against the wooden constraints Yamato has wrapped around him. The black-haired man is nowhere to be seen.

A shadow falls across Sasuke then and purely on instinct does he manage to jump to the side, before a dozen kunai rain down on him. Up in the air, perched on a bird drawn in ink, sits the other Konoha shinobi.

“Sai!” Sakura yells, “I can take him. Go take care of Naruto!”

“Yamato has him under control,” Sai replies mildly and launches another attack that Sasuke manages to block before Sakura growls and advances as well.

He's being cornered from two sides and then Sakura has a grip on his wrists, trying to force him to his knees.

“Let go,” he warns her, but she ignores him.

When his full-bodies chidori hits her, he feels no remorse, watching as her body stiffens and crumbles.

“That,” Sai says from above, “Was a bad move.”

He unravels a scroll then and another creature made of ink springs forth from the paper. It's a dragon this time, crude and two-dimensional, and its fire is black but real enough.

“Naruto,” Sasuke calls out and its like turning a switch.

While the boy had been valiantly fighting against his shackles before, he now makes an actual effort. The bubbling chakra bursts out, consuming him and destroying the vines around his body.

Yamato jumps back with a suppressed yell, but Naruto doesn't pay him any heed, rushing to Sasuke's aid instead.

One bunshin and a rasengan later and the ink of the dragon splatters in every direction. Naruto propels himself up into the air and destroys Sai's bird as well.

Sai somersaults backwards but before he can even land on the ground Naruto is upon him, raining fists on him.

When Yamato sends another set of vines, Sasuke is quick to use katon no jutsu and set them aflame. The older man jerks back in surprise as the seemingly live wood sizzles and shrivels up pitifully.

“Tell the Hokage,” Sasuke says dangerously as he slowly approaches, “In fact, tell everyone. Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto are no longer of the Hidden Lead. And next time we won't be as forgiving.”

It's Naruto who takes out Yamato, swift and brutal, but it costs him another chakra flare and as soon as he calms himself and the red fades away, he passes out.

Sasuke catches him in time and throws him over his shoulder, though his ribs protest against the sudden weight. He looks around and finds everyone out of commission. Neji is the only one not unconscious and the look on his face is murderous, but it doesn't seem like he'll be getting up anytime soon.

As a supposed medic nin, Sakura will be able to take care of them as soon as she wakes up.

Sasuke's work here is done.

 

He takes Naruto as far away as possible and then tends to their injuries.

The Kyuubi's chakra is unpredictable and harmful and using it always leaves Naruto drained and empty. They'll have to find a way around that sometime soon.

For now Sasuke just washes out the wounds where the chakra has burned away the skin. He knows Naruto will heal soon enough, but it gives him peace of mind that he at least contributed to his companion's recovery. Once the bandages are in place he takes care of his own ribs.

Neither of them has a real affinity towards healing, but they taught themselves the basics. Sasuke manages to mend the cracked bones so he can breathe easy, though the pain is still there.

It was worth it, though, to see that despite the ghosts from the pasts Naruto was still firmly on his side.

 

When Naruto wakes he is not in a bad mood, but quiet.

Sasuke has found them an inn where no questions are asked and hopes that there won't be a backup team following Sakura's little entourage. Another fight seems inadvisable.

He's pulled their two futon close together and sits down now, angling his body towards Naruto, offering comfort and a willingness to talk.

“You alright?” he asks quietly and Naruto nods his head shakily.

“I just,” he begins and breaks off again.

“I guess I just didn't expect them to show up like that,” he concludes, “As a team, willing to fight.”

The pain of being replaced. The pain of being seen as a threat.

“Those two men,” Sasuke tells him, “Sai and Yamato. I think they may have been ANBU, sent by the council.”

Naruto's eyes widen, “We took down two ANBU together?”

“You took down two ANBU,” Sasuke corrects, “You've come so far.”

The frown on Naruto's face is replaced by a pleased little smile, “You taught me, though.”

“We've taught each other,” Sasuke says and they sit like that until the evening sun enlightens the room.

 

That night when Naruto is already asleep, Sasuke lies awake for a long time.

He'd been thinking about it for a while now, thinking that he needed something else to bind him and Naruto closer together. Today had proved that.

There was still too much hesitation there confronted with familiar faces. Too much affection for Sakura and Neji and everyone who ever spared Naruto a second glace. Sasuke had to replace that. Or override it.

Sakura is a threat, he realizes. Especially now that she seems to have disregarded all former feelings for Sasuke and only focuses on bringing Naruto back.

And Naruto had a crush on her when they were children. He might believe that she finally returned his feelings.

But they are children no longer, almost seventeen, long since old enough to fight and kill. Sasuke had never quite consciously thought about it, but Sakura and Neji all grown up drove home the fact that he and Naruto had changed a lot as well.

Thinking about it like that, the solution seems quite obvious.

He rolls over, placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder and gently shaking him. Naruto made a couple of sleepy noises and a half-hearted complaint of being woken.

When their gazes find each other in the near-dark of the room, there is a questioning look on Naruto's face. Sasuke answers it by leaning down towards him.

Naruto's mouth is already slightly open so all Sasuke has to do is move his lips and tongue a bit to make it feel like a kiss.

For a split second Naruto stiffens, not in resistance but in surprise, but then he just tilts his head back and lets Sasuke show him another thing they can learn together.

Kissing Naruto is no hardship. He is soft and pliant in the way he melts against Sasuke, making small eager noises in the back of his throat, but his body is lean and strong and Sasuke doesn't even think about it before his hand reachs down to hitch Naruto's leg over his thigh so they can press close together.

They lie like that, kissing lazily, easily, as if they have been doing this for ages instead of for the first time.

When Sasuke finally pulls back with hand on Naruto's chin, the blue eyes looking at him are glazed over, no longer with sleep, but desire and adoration.

And Sasuke runs the pad of his thumb over Naruto's lower lip, back and forth, before Naruto grabs a hold of his hand and kisses every single finger.

Yes, Sasuke thinks. This is the best idea he has had in a long time.

 

When next they run into old friends it's much closer to Konoha and also completely on accident on both sides.

Sasuke has been hunting down information on Itachi when they are suddenly faced with Kakashi and Sakura as well as Hyuuga Hinata and Nara Shikamaru.

They've obviously just returned from another mission when Kakashi's Sharingan or Hinata's Byakugan must've noticed them.

Sasuke would be worried considering there were more of Naruto's friends than last time, but last time he and Naruto weren't lovers yet.

So instead of falling into a fighting stance, he simply slinks closer to Naruto and drapes an arm around him, just like that. And Naruto doesn't take his eyes off the other four ninja, but his body fits itself against Sasuke's, subtly and subconsciously, just enough for their opponents to notice.

Kakashi and Shikamaru seem to read the signs at once, frowns settling their faces, but the girls take a moment longer, and when they do they both blush, before pulling themselves up straight and steeling their features.

“You'll stop at nothing, will you,” Kakashi observes, tired and resigned.

Sasuke wonders what everyone thought he'd been doing all these years. Gagging Naruto and tying him up when the real solution was so much easier? You didn't tame a feral, abused animal with even more cruelty, but with soft words and tender hands until it fed from your open palm, until it would rather die than let any harm come to you.

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura's voice is quivering so much the words barely make it out, “You are disgusting.”

“Disgusting?” Sasuke repeats, marginally tightening his fingers in the fabric of Naruto's shirt, “For falling in love?”

He angles his head to the side then as if to avoid everyone's eyes, as if feeling exposed and vulnerable at the admission, and next to him Naruto's breath hitches.

“Sasuke?” he says, his voice barely there. So Sasuke turns back to him, his smile small and uncertain, “Usuratonkachi.”

And he closes his eyes and leans forward and kisses Naruto, wetly, wantonly, and Naruto shows no trace of resistance.

It's hilarious, really, because there's Sakura who once had a crush on him and Hinata who might still have a crush on Naruto, and now all they can do is stand there and watch as their dreams crumble to pieces.

And Kakashi must've led them here, hoping to finally get through to his students, only to find that they both beyond salvation now.

Really fucking hilarious, because they still want to fight, still think that as long as they can drag them back to Konoha everything would be fine, as if Naruto wouldn't fight tooth and nail to get back with Sasuke.

The two deserters only break apart when Sakura launches an attack, a kunai slicing through the air between them, and then everyone is moving.

Sakura and Hinata focus on Naruto, hoping get through to him or maybe because they had learned from their last experience that neither the Byakugan nor superhuman strength stood any chance against the Uchiha.

So it's Kakashi fighting against Sasuke, backed up by Shikamaru, but they are standing in a wide clearing and shadow techniques are basically useless. And Kakashi may have the Sharingan, but Sasuke has two.

Still, the fights lasts longer than the last one and when Sasuke gets cornered again, he doesn't even have to call because Naruto can smell his blood.

He'd kept the Kyuubi at bay before, obviously hesitant to use it against Hinata and Sakura, but now he just flings them aside like rag dolls before doing the same to Shikamaru.

When Kakashi realizes that he is the last man standing, he jumps back and drops into a defensive pose.

His eye flickers over his teammates, assessing that they are mostly unharmed.

“Is that how it is now, Naruto?” he asks, looking back at the two of them, “Sasuke is more important than the rest of your friends put together? Is that how you treat your precious people?”

“I'm sorry, Kaka-sensei,” Naruto mumbles and the affectionate nickname must sting because Naruto is more concerned with inspecting Sasuke's shallow injury.

“You don't have to be,” Kakashi says gravely, “I just want you to think about it.”

Sasuke and Naruto leave without anyone following.

 

That night Sasuke fucks Naruto for the first time.

He takes it slow, slow enough that it could be called making love. It may even be somewhat romantic, next to their campfire and under the open sky, cold stars above them and hot flames just out of reach.

Naruto had patched up the cuts across Sasuke's chest where he had barely avoided Shikamaru's shuriken. So Sasuke sat there, his upper-body bare under Naruto's careful hands and it seemed like perfect timing.

Naruto doesn't object when Sasuke barely leaves him time to put away the medical supplies, doesn't object when Sasuke's kisses turn more insistent than usual, wandering down the side if his neck, licking along his collarbone. In fact, Naruto doesn't object so eagerly that he's the one starts tugging off his own shirt.

Sasuke lays Naruto down on their bedroll, looking at him as if in reverence, touching his body like a worshiper in a temple. And Naruto arches into every kiss, every brush of warm fingertips, as though this were his only reason for being alive.

Then again, Sasuke thinks, that's quite true.

He's prepared for this moment, has put a lot of consideration in it, thinking of all the mechanics and just waiting for the right moment.

Today is perfect. Naruto's reward for being so loyal, so trusting, so obedient.

When he enters him, both of them slicked just enough, Naruto winces slightly and reaches down to touch himself. Sasuke gives a small shake of his head. Immediately, Naruto's hands place themselves on Sasuke's ass instead, urging him deeper.

Sasuke follows the silent request, but slowly, gradually, until Naruto can feel every inch of him, until they are both finally one.

Four years in the making, Sasuke thinks as moves his hips in shallow thrusts. It took four years for them to reach this moment. Four years since Sasuke first started filling Naruto with doubt.

Now he is filling him in altogether different manner and it's thrilling, intoxicating. He'd been in Naruto's mind first, then his heart and now his body. A trinity. A blessing.

Throughout it all, he keeps his gaze fixed on Naruto, but whenever Naruto's eyes fall shut in pleasure, he gives a sharper thrust until they fly open again.

Sakura had accused him of using the Sharingan to brainwash Naruto but that was never needed. This is more sophisticated and refined.

So Sasuke watches as Naruto is short of breath and barely audible moans spill from his lips. He wants to kiss Naruto, to claim all of him at the same time, but watching this moment seems so much more important. A memory, forever branded in his mind.

When Naruto comes, his fingers and ass clench, his mouth widens in a silent moan, but his eyes stay open, pupils dilating, the firelight licking at the deep blue, and Sasuke fancies to see his own mirror image reflected within.

Only then does he allow himself to find completion.

 

When they finally find him, the fight against Itachi is not embarrassingly easy, but unexpectedly anticlimactic.

When Sasuke shows up with Naruto, Itachi doesn't appear surprised, but disapproving. As if he had long since heard about his brother's unusual alliance, but had not wanted to believe it yet.

During the fight it becomes obvious that Itachi is past his prime, that his body is betraying him, that the abuse of the Sharingan has taken its toll.

Uchiha Itachi who murdered his own parents and the rest of his clan does not stand a chance against his little brother and his pet jinjuuriki.

“Why did you do it?” Sasuke demands when Itachi is already choking with fingers round his neck and blood in his lungs, “Why did you just kill them?!”

And Itachi opens his eyes one last time, red, as everything is red, and Sasuke falls not into an illusion, but into a memory.

When he comes to again, he knows it all. Knows about the supposed usurpation attempt at the hands of the clan. Knows of the councils interference. Knows of the ANBU spies. Knows of a thirteen-year-old boy being used as a tool to do the dirty work. Knows of Itachi begging to at least spare his baby brother's life. Knows of years on the run and years with Akatsuki, years of being known as a kinslayer. Years of waiting for Sasuke to finally enact his revenge and absolve Sasuke of his sins.

This is not what Sasuke wanted when he deserted Konoha, the former home that he had suspected of wrong-doings, but not of anything so deeply malign.

And Sasuke realizes that his quest for justice is not yet over.

 

He fucks Naruto right there, next to Itachi's corpse.

Naruto lets him have it, voicing no complaint, taking it on all fours, palms and knees scraping against the stone, as Sasuke thrusts into him relentlessly.

Sasuke hold him by the hips and he's not gentle, not in the least, and he lets out loud grunts while his gaze is fixed on his brother's lifeless face.

 

“Where are we going?” Naruto asks when Sasuke's desires are sated and the wounds taken care of, when they are dressed and back on the road.

Sasuke only gives a mirthless smile.

“We're going home.”

 

When they reach Konoha, the village is in shambles. There are survivors, but no one seems to pay them any heed.

Vaguely, Sasuke wonders what is going on, thinking of what knowledge he has gained about the other members of Akatsuki, but then again he doesn't really care. In fact, this is all rather convenient. No distractions now, no one standing in their way because everyone is too busy running around like headless chickens.

Naruto follows him through the destruction, occasionally glancing left and right as if curious, but never pained, never broken-hearted.

His heart cannot break, Sasuke think, Not while I hold it in my hands.

Sasuke leads them towards the bomb shelters inside the Hokage Mountain where he suspects the council to be hidding from the battle, conniving cowards that they are.

The door is heavily sealed, but Sasuke forces it open easily enough. Immediately a plethora of shuriken comes flying at him, but he deflects them all with a kunai in his hand.

Instead of being lined with wrinkles and age spots the face that greets him has a horizontal scar across the nose.

“Umino Iruka,” Sasuke greets, unpleasantly surprised, because if the teacher is here the elders probably aren't. Instead there are three dozens of pre-genin crouched on the damp ground of the cave, frightened and overwhelmed, with only a chuunin as protection who knows more about the theory of fighting than the real deal.

When Iruka realizes who the intruder is he pales as if seeing a ghost. Or, more accurately, two ghosts when Naruto steps up as well.

“Naruto,” Iruka whispers brokenly and Sasuke remembers had the man had once saved his student's life, that they had been close for a while there, that they'd almost become something like a family.

But Sasuke had been quicker. Sasuke had given Naruto something better. A purpose.

“Iruka-sensei,” Naruto recognizes and tilts his head to the side, but there's nothing else in his voice, no affection, no apology.

“Where are the elders?” Sasuke demands, unwilling to waste any more time.

“I don't know and even if I did I wouldn't tell you,” Iruka glares, barely managing to tear himself away from Naruto, but Sasuke simply swipes a careless glance over the covering children.

Immediately Iruka's demeanor changes and he swallows heavily. His eyes clench shut as he makes the decision that may well cost him his reputation as well as his life. He's not the first ninja who deemed the lives of his subordinates more important than the greater good and subsequently paid for it. Hatake Sakumo had been another.

But when it's Iruka's students against a couple of scheming old bastards there was never really a choice in the first place.

“They are looking for ways to keep the enemy at bay,” Iruka replies, sounding as if his tongue were too thick in his mouth, suffocating him.

“Thank you,” Sasuke says, because that's really enough of an answer, before he turns around and his smirk pulls Naruto along.

 

The Hokage Tower's security is down to a minimum. Naruto takes care of the three ANBU and then they are in Tsunade's office where Mitokado Homura, Utatane Koharu and Shimura Danzou are gathered around the desk, frantically searching through a pile of scrolls, as if a single seal or jutsu could save their god forsaken village.

No one says anything. It doesn't seem necessary. They must know why the last of the Uchiha has returned for them.

He doesn't ask whether they regret it, whether they ever felt any remorse over the lives they destroyed.

Sasuke has Naruto subdue the other two as they don't pose as much of a threat, while he himself faces Danzou. When the old man reveals a Sharingan Sasuke doesn't ask any questions. There's only fire and fury. Fury that they would reduce those of his blood to this single precious gem, that they would harvest their eyes like shiny apples to sate their own hunger.

The office is small and crowded, but most of the battle is fought in their minds anyway. Danzou tries to weaken him with horrible images, memories and fantasies, but Sasuke is long since beyond that now. He does not fear, neither this nor anything at all.

Danzou falls, tears of blood pouring from his stolen eye, the tiny arteries bursting. Sasuke beheads him in an afterthought.

Homura is crying, silently and not begging for mercy, but crying nonetheless. Koharu spits at his feet and glares. He kills her last.

When it's over he looks around in bland curiosity. On the floor next to Tsunade's desk there is a long rectangular picture frame that holds three photographs. One is of a little brown-haired boy with wide eyes and a bright grin. The second of a kindly smiling man, his hair long and silver. The last one is of Naruto.

In another reality, this might have been Naruto's office one day. Sasuke might have sneaked in through the window for half-secret rendezvous, and Naruto would've laughed between kisses and pushed him away playfully, but Sasuke would've won every time.

This reality is different, but Sasuke still won.

He bends Naruto over the desk, on top of the invaluable scrolls that still might've held the secret for saving Konoha. Through the window the faces of the Hokage Monument are frowning down on him, but it only spurns him on.

Because this is the desk where the Fourth designed the seal that caged the Kyuubi within his newborn son. This is the desk where the Third decided that two orphan boys were old enough to survive on their own. This is the desk where the Fifth declared Sasuke and by now possible Naruto as well as missing nin.

So Sasuke fucks Naruto whose body keeps begging fore more, Sasuke fucks Naruto while Konoha is in flames all around them.

And this, Sasuke thinks, is what it feels like to be alive.

 

“Where are we going?” Naruto asks once the village is only smoke and ruins at their backs.

“I don't know,” Sasuke replies, “Wherever we want to go.”

Naruto considers that for a moment.

“I want to go eat ramen,” he decides.

“Then we'll do that,” Sasuke agrees.

“Yes! Ramen!” Naruto cheers and kisses him.

That so much can grow from one little seed, Sasuke marvels. Almost too easy, but beautiful still.

“Lead the way then,” he offers and when Naruto takes his hand and pulls him into the direction of the dying sun, Sasuke follows out of his own free will.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, anyone feeling depraved? Because I do.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic of] Clouded Mind and Heavy Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11602806) by [Dr_Fumbles_McStupid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Fumbles_McStupid/pseuds/Dr_Fumbles_McStupid)




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